I am not an Idiot: Celebrity Endorsements


Dear Capitol One (or any other advertiser),

I am NOT a idiot, though you keep insisting that I am.

Why do you keep running ads with a celebrity endorsement that you had to pay too much money for? Do you think I am that weak minded enough to run out and get your product just because a celebrity holds it in their hands?

Just recently I saw your ad, “Musical Chairs,” with the likes of Jennifer Garner praising the merits of your travel miles credit card. Why, oh why, do you think this would compel me to get your credit card? She isn’t going to sell it to me any better than Samuel L. Jackson, or Alec Baldwin. I didn’t get your credit card then, so what makes you think I am going to do it now? Really? Like those two are gonna sell anything to respectable adults.

How much money do you have to pay these celebrities to hock your wares? Does Jennifer’s husband, Ben Affleck, not make enough money so she is out earning a living again?

Why don’t we make a deal? How about we agree to leave each other alone? You stay off my television/computer, stop clogging up my online shows with your stupid commercials (and my mailbox for that matter) and in return, should I need a credit card, I’ll seek you out. I’m sure I know where to look if I need you. Deal?

And to you celebrities, knock it off! Has your shine worn off enough that you prostitute yourself to any company that will pay you? It doesn’t matter the product, or even if it is a charity. I DON’T CARE! Entertain me. That is all. That is what I pay for. Not your opinions or your endorsements. You only show how desperate you are to stay in the limelight that faded long ago.  Stop. Please.

Please, Capital One, if you are going to run lame commercials, don’t employ B-list (or any other list) celebrities.

Not so sincerely,

Smartus Assimus

I Want Jeff Probst’s Job!



Watch out, Jeff, I’m coming for you!

I’ll admit it. I am a Survivor fan, and I have been one since the very first season. In all the seasons it has been on, I have seen all the episodes, save three. I think the game is entertaining, it is “real” (as much as a contrived reality show can be), and I think it makes for great social commentary. But, really, when the show is on all I can really think about is what Jeff is doing.

I mean, really, can anyone have a better job that this guy?

  1. He gets to visit exotic and cool places all over the world.
  2. He gets to travel on a vast array of vehicles and in different modes of transportation.
  3. He can get a tan.
  4. He get a really cool wardrobe of outdoor clothing.
  5. He spends his time lounging around “resort like” settings when he isn’t hosting challenges or getting people voted out of the tribe.
  6. He get so wear SHORTS as much as he wants! (that has to be one of the greatest bonuses ever!)
  7. He gets to interview and stir up problems between contestants.
  8. He eats well while on location.
  9. He sleeps well while on location because he has all the comforts of home while the contestants suffer.
  10. He gets sand, sun, surf, and beer (I am sure).

I’m just guessing here. I don’t know what his job really entails but I can imagine and I imagine that I would like it.

So, Jeff, if you ever need a replacement and you happen to run across this blog post, I am available. Yes, I already have a job but I could give it up if you called! I’ll be waiting by the phone…CALL ME!