Life

My Life via the Spam Folder – A Story

 

Yahoo, I took 24 hours and wrote down the subject lines for the email in my spam folder. It is amazing that spam can exist these days given that the subject line pretty much gives it away. People really don’t request this stuff, let alone respond to them do they? What to do with all these spam messages…well, how about if this was really representative of my life?

Yeah, this is my (fictional) life, through spam!

 The Story (Fiction)

Life around here has been pretty difficult as of late. I am broke and have very little education, the car has problems, I am homeless, and my girlfriend decided last week that she just didn’t want to be with me any longer. Luckily, I have been able to get lots of help with all my problems. I don’t know if it is divine intervention or not, but my email seems to offer a solution to all my problems without me ever having to solicit help.

Very accurate!

I decided to get a free psychic reading to see if all this unsolicited help would benefit me in the long run. She said my life in the near future would turn around and I would be well on my way to success. She said specifically, “You’ll get an education and a new job that will allow you to find a place to live, buy a car and keep it running, and find new love in my life.” Good thing I went to see her first!

First, an education seemed like a priority but I didn’t have any money. One offer in my email stood out, I could get a government grant for cash. I assume this will be a large grant since the government is flush with cash and gives it away regularly. With four separate offers for $2500 loans (that totals $10,000 right?), an offer for an instant $6500 loan, and another offer for an instant approval of $5000, I am now flush with cash myself and able to afford that education I have wanted for so long. All of those loans, a government grant, and an offer for a Kaplan University Scholarship will get me the education I deserve!

Education has done wonders for me. I was depressed, but no longer! The antidepressants that I was taking never really worked and now they are no longer needed. So, i sued them for selling me ineffective drugs. My email gave me great advice since there were two anti-depressant lawsuits I could join. As it turns out, others were not happy with their results either.

Now that I am educated, I need a job. So I found one with the help of an email titled, “Jobs in my area.” Sure enough, there were all kinds of jobs waiting to be filled! Some that needed specific skills and some that needed no skill at all. I applied for all that needed skills since I was being educated at Kaplan University. I mean, after all, I am now qualified for everything but why get a low paying job. That is WAY below me. Good thing there are all those nice people out there fighting for a minimum wage of $15 an hour. That way the losers will have something to do too!

SMART? I don’t know.

Can’t get to work without a car, so I bought one now that I have a high paying job. Of course, there are all kinds of things with a car that takes money, like insurance. Insurance costs a lot of money and if you are a good driver you rarely have to use it, so it shouldn’t cost so much. I had two emails offering cheap auto insurance; I bought two for good measure. You never know when you might need it. The dealership recommended that I buy an extended warranty for the car since the manufacturer isn’t really reliable with all those recalls and whatnot. I said no, but luckily there were four extended warranty offers for my car in the email. That really saved me! Plus, who doesn’t like free stuff once in a while. Low and behold, a free oil change was waiting for me in the inbox as well. Life is great.

Sometimes life can be confusing too. I had an email after I bought my car that said, “Lead generator.” Obviously this was spam, because who knew there was a shortage of lead? If it wasn’t about the shortage of lead, then who would want a really heavy generator in their car? That isn’t very good for gas mileage and I need to save money not waste it. I deleted that one right away. I mean, I am not going to click on something that wasn’t intended for me and might contain a virus or something else intended to harm me. Also, there was an email for cheap life insurance. I am young, who needs that stuff? Besides, there is no one to give the money to since I don’t have kids or a significant other. That one went straight to the trash folder as well.

Next, my homelessness needed to be solved. Luckily that was also easily solved by my email! I checked out the two emails on home foreclosures and found several that met me needs. However, I am running short on funds since I just bought a car, got an education, and have to commute to a job. So, I got a reverse mortgage for seniors. I am not sure how I qualify as a “senior” because I am only in my early 40s, but they sent me an email so it was their mistake. As it turns out, they pay me to own the home! I guess the joke is on them! After I got my house I needed to fill it with cool stuff, so I waited for a pre-approval notice for an account to a store I don’t visit often, but hey what the heck! I also got a new visa card and opened a Khols account. I spent to my max, let me tell you. Now I had a big new TV to watch, along with all the clothes, furnishings, and appliances my little heart desired. The new TV was even better when I figured out how to get cheap cable.

The last and probably most difficult problem was yet to be handled. I had to get my girlfriend back. The gift card to Victoria Secret for filling out a survey was a good start. She loved that place! But wait, what is this? I didn’t need her back. There are tons of other options I could use. Besides, I didn’t really like her that much anyway. As it turns out, there are lonely moms waiting for dates or Russian brides waiting for someone to rescue them from behind the “iron curtain.” Those are two great options, but it seems a bit random and a little risky. How do I know if they will want me le alone like me? Maybe the email from EHarmony is a better option. At least then I will know the person really likes me! Now is as good a time as any to prepare for the future so I watched a seduction video aid  and read an article on a stealth seducer. It seemed like good advice, but everyone knows that the ladies really only care about one thing, forget romance and intimacy. I’m not going to fail on that one since there were three emails on how to get powerful erections. Good thing the Canadians have figured out how to offer drugs for this. The two emails from Canadian pharmacy – Viagra/Cialis offering significant discounts was my solution. Now, I am set for relationship success!

Life now is a picnic. My email offered solutions to all my problems and solved them quite nicely. More people should pay closer attention to this stuff. Their lives would be MUCH better…

The Tale of Two Accounts

How often do you look in your spam folder? How much do you pay attention to it? Maybe I am a little odd and maybe not, but I look in my spam folder every day! I look in the spam folder every day to make sure there isn’t something there that doesn’t belong there. Three out of every five days I have to rescue an email that was delivered to the wrong folder. Poor little email.

Algorithms. I completely know or understand how they work, but I know they have something to do with math (something I am not good at). I also know they have something to do with a computer’s brain. I think. But really, it doesn’t matter. I just know that when I send an email it somehow ends up getting to where I want it to go most of the time. The intended recipient lets me know one way or another that they got it. However, I am not sure what algorithms are being used when it comes to the spam folder. I have several email addresses and I watch the spam folders for all of them. Honestly, I don’t know what Google is doing with their Gmail, but it is miles ahead of Yahoo.

I have had my Yahoo email address for many years now and there has been a continual flow of spam emails. They have gotten much better at getting into the spam folder and not in my actual inbox. Remember those days when you had to actually put all that mail into the trash? Yeah, me too. Maybe I shouldn’t be complaining then, but I can’t help it. My Yahoo account spam folder typically has about 50-80 spam messages in it every 24 hours. My question is why? Why is there any spam in it at all?

I have two Gmail accounts, one for work and one for personal use. Google does a phenomenal job at getting the spam into the spam folder! I very rarely see an email that I wasn’t intended to see. However, where Google has taken the cake is in the spam prevention. Their algorithm actually works! In a typical week, between the two accounts I have, I usually only have a total of seven messages in the spam folders. Seven. So, Google, what are you doing that makes you so much better than Yahoo?

Ok, I don’t really want the answer. I just want to say “Thank you.”

 

Parental Detention (or, I’m Making a Point for My Child)

 

In thirteen years of teaching, I haven’t ever had what happened on Friday afternoon after school. I had a parent “own” his child’s detention (child stayed too) and he wasn’t apologetic for it either. I am not really sure how I feel about it and I am still trying to process it. How would you take it?

Background

It was the 6th period of the day and there was only an hour left of school. The bell had rung and all the students were in their seats as we started. We had been talking and reading about the origins of the Vietnam War when Student A’s cell phone make a beeping noise, a text alert.

Now, we have a cell phone policy in our school that doesn’t allow for the use of cell phones during class. Generally though, most teachers don’t really follow the policy any longer because we would spend all of our time “policing” cell phone usage and very little time teaching. Plus, getting into conflict over a cell phone generally isn’t a great way to build rapport with a student. It’s an issue, but not one to die over. These days, I have taken the policy of letting them use it (unless blatantly disrupting their learning or someone else’s) because they are responsible for their learning, not me. If they are distracted by it, then it is on them. Plus, I actually require they use them occasionally for taking a survey by text or whatnot. However, I do draw the line when a cell phone becomes audible. Then I confiscate the cell phone for the class period and return it to them as they leave class. This all seems to work fairly well most of the time.

Student A’s cell phone make a sound after receiving a text. I asked her to bring it up. She protested a little with, “But Student B sent me the text!” Everyone in the room laughed because Student B is in the room too and she got her friend in trouble. Student A brought her phone up to me and while she did so I said that Student B needed to bring me her cell phone since she was the one who sent the text. Student B said she wouldn’t bring it to me. So, I went to the back of the room, held out my hand, and asked for it again. Student B flatly refused again saying, “No, I’m not giving it to you. My dad said to never give up my phone.” Now everyone in the room is watching and I’m thinking, “Well, this is interesting. Never would have expected this from her.” (Mostly because she is a GREAT student, straight A’s, always compliant, helpful, and respectful.) I asked again saying, “Come on, give me your phone. Is it really worth getting a detention for?” Student B’s response, “My daddy said to never give up my phone, so yes.” OK. I promptly turned, returned to the front of the room and wrote her name on the board. The class moved on as though it didn’t happen. After class and on her way out of the room she asked, “What time will you be here until today? My dad wants to come talk to you.” I gave her a time and Student B left the room.

The Parent

I was half expecting the riot act when the parent got there. But then again, this is a really nice family and all the kids are great kids so I wasn’t really sure what to think was going to happen. I was pretty sure, however, that I was going to get protestations about how the detention was unfair.

When the parent walked in all he said was, “I’m here for my detention! Where do you want me?” I responded that he could sit anywhere. Then he said, “I just want you to know that I am here to serve the detention since my daughter was following my instructions. With my background in law enforcement, I have instructed all my kids to never give up their phones. We will be dealing with her texting in class when we get home.” I said, “You know this is a bit unusual because I didn’t expect her to say ‘no’. We have a school policy of no cell phone usage in the classroom and if you need to get a hold of your student you can call the office and they will forward a message OR now you can actually call into our classrooms directly if needed.” His response was simply, “I know. that is just our rule for our kids.” Then he turned and chose a seat and sat down with his daughter. They sat there quietly talking for 25 minutes.

The End

There were a few minutes left in their 30 minutes and so I decided I should probably explain why she had gotten a detention a little more plainly that what his daughter had explained to him. So, I addressed Student B as I sat in front of them,” Student B I want to explain why you got the detention and how surprised I was that I had to give you one. The fact is that I like you and you are one of the best students I have in the junior class, that being said, I also can’t treat you differently than I would treat the other students in the room. The fact is, if you refuse to obey the instructions given to you by a teacher, I can’t just let that go. It sets a bad precedent for the others to see. You didn’t get the detention for using the cell phone. The detention was for refusing to give it up.” She said she understood.

Then her dad spoke up, “Listen, I understand why you gave her a detention and I am not happy with her because I had to rearrange my schedule to be here. I am not happy that she was using her cell phone during class and we will deal with that when we get home. But, I have to say, that I am proud of her for sticking up for what she had been instructed by her father to do, even in the face of adversity. We often wonder how our kids will react when they are put in a situation where they have to stand up for what they believe and when there is pressure to conform. She acted as I hoped she would, not in just this situation but hopefully in even greater, more serious situations. I am sorry she violated your policy and refused to give up her phone. That’s on me, but I wouldn’t want her to do it any differently. You did what you had to do and I respect that.”

We exchanged a few pleasantries about the weekend and out the door they went with a, “See you on Monday, Mr. Grenz!” from Student B.

My Questions

How do I take this? Was this a lesson for the child or was this a parent response telling me how ridiculous he thought it was that I gave his daughter a detention?

I am inclined to think it is the former, but there is still a part of me that thinks it is the latter. The words spoken seem to indicate this was a lesson for the student, but the tone in some of the words makes me think it was a lesson for me. I can’t quite put my finger on this and I haven’t quite settled on an answer.

So, tell me what you think? How would you have reacted to the teacher? How would you have taken this whole thing if you were the teacher? You can respond via the poll or in the comments.

Don’t Be So Bossy!

This isn’t just a woman problem, so why make it that?

What? Don’t be so bossy! Once again, our Hollywood “elite” have a message for the American public that is both ridiculous and pompous. If you haven’t seen an article on this yet, you can check one out below.

Jennifer Garner, Beyoncé, Jane Lynch, and More Urge Ban on ‘Bossy’ | Yahoo Celebrity – Yahoo Celebrity.

The whole premise of this movement just stinks of false feminism. I say false feminism because it is being painted as a “female” issue. That the word, when used towards women, is being sexist. What an utter obfuscation of reality!

The fact is that the word “bossy” can, and is, used in context to both men and women is some how lost here. Yes, there is a negative connotation to the word, but the connotation isn’t just solely reserved for women. As I see it, if the word is being used in context and appropriately, there is no problem. When people get power (or in this case celebrity) they feel abused when their demands aren’t met or their expectations are too high. Then, when someone points out that they are being unreasonable and “bossy,” well then we have just violated their sense of entitlement and their sense of dignity (apparently). Indignation then follows as the “elite” are called on the carpet for their misbehavior and the only way for them to justify their indignation is to make an issue of a non-issue and paint it as something it is not – a sexiest word.

We all have been there and done that. We make issues of non-issues in our daily lives. So I am not going to make that an issue.

What burns me red here is that we all have had the opportunity for power in leadership roles. We then become “bossy” and demand more or expect more than we should. Power goes to our heads and we get bossy. It is in our human (sinful, if you must) nature to take more than we deserve or need. So, when I or you become bossy and begin to wield power over people that is unjustified we need to realize that we are going to be called bossy. Is that a negative thing? YES! Should we be offended by it? Maybe, but likely no. If someone calls us bossy, it should cause us to pause and reflect,”Why am I being called bossy? Could they be right?” Ultimately, being called bossy should cause us to change because there IS a reason (in most cases) it was warranted.

This isn’t about empowering women. To some degree, I think this new initiative degrades them by making it about a word. Most people are better than that and I don’t think banning a word is going to make the difference. Next they may try to ban the word “woman” because it makes them feel inferior because it delineates them as a sex…where will the insanity of the word Nazis end?

The fact that female celebrities are leading this push gives it even less credence since I am sure that at one time or another they were bossy, let alone another word that starts with a “B” and rhymes with itchy. All have likely demanded things that made them come across as bossy. Rich people get that way because they feel entitled.

Rather than spending money on a campaign that has, really, very little relevance, how about contribute that money to ACTUAL needs?

Ladies, your social activism in trying to ban “bossy” comes across as just that – bossy.

An Unfortunate Metaphor
(C) R. Grenz

(C) R. Grenz

A student found this dollar bill in a textbook that I handed out about a week earlier. Obviously this dollar had been torn into many different pieces (some lost) and then taped back together using packing tape. The student was perplexed and didn’t want it. I posted a picture of it on my Facebook account and asked if people thought it would still be legal, which I thought it was since it still had both serial numbers. Others thought it would be legal because it had more than 50% of the bill still intact. One friend even recommended taking it to the bank and exchanging it for a whole dollar.

I admit I have thought about attempting to spend it but exchanging it for a “fresh” one seems less sketchy. Am I sad, or just desperate?

An Unfortunate Metaphor

The more I thought about going and exchanging it, the more I realized it is a pretty good representation of my paycheck. As most of you know, I am a high school teacher. Many of you probably don’t know that I work in a state that ranks 23rd for teacher pay. No, that isn’t the worst nor is it the best, but certainly it could be better! That dollar pictured above is literally what it feels like each month when I get my paycheck. I have lost so much buying power of the years that just maintaining a “middle class” standard of living gets more difficult every month. Not only do I make less than I used to (or should), but the cost of nearly everything continues to go up.

Milk and cheese have gone (or are going) up.

Flour has gone up.

Fruits and vegetables have gone (and are going) up.

Gasoline keeps going up, usually for no reason other than speculators are gambling on the world supply based on current world events.

Pet food has gone up.

Containers/packaging have gotten smaller and contain less, but the prices have gone up!

The cost of everything is or has gone up. The paycheck buys less and less each month! My dollar, what is left of it, doesn’t go as far as it used to.

I know what you are thinking. I can hear you muttering to yourself now. “Here we go again. Another teacher whining about how much they don’t get paid but should. Enough already!” I can understand your skepticism, but perhaps one teacher’s personal experience can convince you otherwise. I am going to try at least. I may not be successful but at least thanks for listening.

Reality

I’ll start with the fact that my family doesn’t live a lavish life and we try very hard not to live beyond our means, a difficult endeavor these days. We live in a three bedroom house (mortgaged and underwater) that is just slightly over 1300 square feet. We have two cars, one paid for (it’s an 11 year old Volkswagen) and one belongs to the bank (a car we bought used more than a year ago when it was already two years old). We bought the second one because we needed a more economical commuter car for me. We don’t go on vacations every year and when we do we have either saved for it or it is a simple family camping trip to the other side of the state. We don’t have any fun “toys,” a camping trailer or recreational vehicles. We have enough to be comfortable.

Next, I work TWO jobs. I am a full time teacher (day job) with nearly 12 years of experience and I also work part time (15-25 hours a month) as a driving instructor. I have a college education. Should it be this way? “Get a college education,” they say, “you’ll make more that way!” That’s funny because I never thought I would be working two jobs to make ends meet. I knew that teaching was never going to make me rich. I’m a realist. But, I never really believed that I would be counting every penny, and picking them up in parking lots because I just might need them. Yet, with all the work and effort, sometimes the ends still just don’t meet.

My wife works part time and tries the best she can to balance a work life and a home life, not an easy task and one I don’t envy. She makes our $300/month grocery budget magically stretch and still puts tasty meals on the table. It’s not easy and I am thankful she puts out all the effort that she does. 

There are lots of things and experiences that I would love to give my kids, but I can’t. I have kids that have grown and left the house. They have needs and I would love to be able to help them when they need it, but it is hard when it feels as though it could risk our own financial stability. I just simply can’t do all I need to, let alone want to.

I know I am not the only one out here dealing with this issue. There are many people in the same boat as me, making due with one oar. There are many public servants who don’t get paid enough. There are many people working in the social service community that do miracles every day with resources that could and should be more plentiful. So, I am trying not to complain and I hope it doesn’t sound that way. I am really just trying to help some people see the reality that many people live with every day – I am surviving. I don’t have it bad, but I don’t have it good either.

A Final Thought

I once heard an anecdote about Bill Gates. The way I remember it is this: Bill Gates is so rich that if he dropped a $100 bill on the floor it would be a waste of his time to pick it up because the effort to retrieve the bill from the floor would actually cost him more money than he dropped. Now, I am not going to fault the guy for having money. He is living the American dream and then some. But, that obviously isn’t how 99% (probably more) of Americans live.

So, what am I going to do? Well, I am going to go to the bank and exchange that sad little dollar held together with packing tape for a fresh one. Then, I am going to go out and make it stretch as far as I can.

Just a little bit more…

I Kissed a Girl, and I Liked It!

Yep, I kissed a girl and I liked it. For those of you that know me, this likely comes as no surprise. Sorry Katy Perry, I am going to borrow the title of your hit song. I hope you don’t mind.

That being said, I feel the urge to tell you about it. You see, that kiss changed me. It changed me physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably some other “-ly” words too. That kiss led to some other stuff, mostly a relationship with the woman  who belonged to the lips. From there she eventually became my wife. Again, for those of you that know me, this stuff also doesn’t come as a surprise.

The reason, or urge, I want to talk about that kiss today is because it has been six years since that kiss. I certainly didn’t know when I kissed her in the car in the parking lot of the community college that it would lead to this. It did and it has. Now, we have been together, through thick and thin (and we have seen the extreme of both) over those last six years. We have been married for 3 1/2 of them. I can’t imagine having anyone else by my side. She is my partner, confidant, best friend, strength, refuge, my…well, you get the point. She is a lot of things to me.

When it came time for the bridal shower I was asked to write “25 Reasons Why I Love Jenn.” The 25 reasons were going to be shared with her at the shower as a surprise. I thought it was a good idea so I complied. The thing is, it was pretty easy to come up with the following 27 reasons (OK, I didn’t comply completely. I am difficult, what can I say?):

I love…

  1. …the way your face lights up when you see me.
  2. …the way you are quick to offer help or say, “I can do that.”
  3. …that you are caring to a fault at times.
  4. …every time you kiss me it still feels like the first time.
  5. …that you are frugal most of the time.
  6. …that you think I am “funny” and laugh at me.
  7. …that I can feel your love and don’t just hear or see it.
  8. …the fact that you are looking forward to making my lunch for school. 
  9. …your hand on my back.
  10. …holding your hand in the car.
  11. …that you try to make do.
  12. …that you are happy with simple things.
  13. …that you tell me “I love you” often.
  14. …the little notes that you leave in places for me to find later.
  15. …that you put up with my sounds.
  16. …the cute little way you bite your lip when you are thinking about something.
  17. …that you see me as I am and not the way I see me.
  18. …your willingness to get dirty and to work hard.
  19. …your encouragement in all that I do.
  20. …that you endure the cold and rain to watch me play softball.
  21. …the way you speak your mind.
  22. …that you love my daughter as though she were your own.
  23. …your desire to be a Godly woman and continue to pursue Him.
  24. …that I feel “safe” with you and don’t have to be something or someone I am not.
  25. …that you love me.
  1. …that we can go to church and worship together.
  2. …that you understand teaching is more to me than just going to work and I have more “kids” than my daughter.

I love that first kiss. Obviously, since I am crowing about it even to this day. I kiss that girl every day, multiple times if I can manage it. AND, I still like it! I cherish the list above because of the little things that I saw even then that I knew I loved about her. And now, six years later, on the anniversary of that first kiss, I could probably name a whole bunch of other reasons I love her. Things that I have discovered as time has progressed and I have gotten to know her better. But, I am gonna save those for another day, another anniversary. The point today is this:

I kissed a girl, she became my wife, AND I LIKE IT!

Courage in the Face of Criticism

I have been thinking about resolutions a lot since the new year, 2014, has begun. I haven’t ever really been one to do a resolution and my mantra has typically been, “My resolution this year is to have no resolutions.” Someone may have said that before me, don’t know and don’t care. But, the beginning of the year has brought the thoughts of resolutions again to the forefront on my mind. I think I am going to try one this year! It is going to be tough and maybe you can help me with it.

I hereby do resolve to have MORE courage in the face of criticism.

Why? Why do I feel the need to make a resolution this year when I have been so against them in the past? Quite simply, I don’t want to “go with the grain” this year. I am not going to follow the crowd. It is time to stand up and be counted.

These guys, and their thoughts, have motivated me to this decision:

“Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.”

“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.”
-Augustine of Hippo

“The truth is not always the same as the majority decision.” – Pope John Paul II

Who is with me? Anyone else need to do this as well? Leave your comments and thoughts below.