Parenting

Inequity at the library?

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Well, here’s a head scratcher for you. It seems rather than address the root of the problem, we are going to give a bandaid to the symptom.

I recently read that more libraries are starting to eliminate late fees because it is inequitable.

Huh?

Seems to me this isn’t really about inequity so much as about values. If people value the service they take care to make sure that the materials are returned in a timely manner, thus keeping the service in place. When they don’t return them in a timely manner, they pay the nominal fine that is associated with it. To me, this kind of thing doesn’t make sense.

If they were to have taken the study that the article talks about, the one where it says a majority of the fines came from the poorest neighborhoods of the city, and gone a little farther with it, like into those neighborhoods, I bet they would find that most of those people all have cell phones and cable television and cars and other unnecessary luxuries. So, when it comes to priorities, I would venture an educated guess that it just wasn’t a priority for people to pay their fines.

Eliminating fines because of inequity would kind of be like law enforcement and communities saying “We’re no longer going to ticket people for speeding. The poor people can’t pay the fines anyway, so what’s the point?” Or how about we just give driver’s licenses to everyone at age 16 and no longer require them to take a driver’s training course (often $500 or more) or to even charge for a driver’s license (varies from state to state but starts at $30) at the Department of X, well because poor people can’t afford that kind of burden but they really need the car to get to a job and earn money.

It all comes down to values. This sort of things is a bandaid and really doesn’t address the issue, but is sounds good and because it sounds good we’re gonna do it.

Ah, what do I care, I guess. I have already argued we don’t need libraries anymore anyway. The technology exists to eliminate them altogether, so why not just do that?

Let it go

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Cliche title, I know.

But, I am learning that there are some things in life that you just have to let go of.

Hopes. Dreams. Friendships. Family. The past.

Pieces of those things continue on, but at some point you just have to accept that some things, some people, just don’t belong in your life any longer. As such, you have to let go.

Yes, some things are harder than others. Yes, some people are harder to let go than others. But what you realize once you have done it is that you are free. Free from the weight of expectations. Free from the glare of failure. Free from the hope in something that isn’t going to happen. Free. Just free. No more guilt. No more angst. Free from worry. No more.

There are going to be tough days ahead. It’s not going to be easy, but if you know it in your heart you need to make it happen.

You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to rationalize. You don’t owe anyone anything.

Except you. You owe it to yourself.

Just let it go.

Pets vs. babies

This, apparently, is not life.

I once had a cat that I took to the vet.

It was sick. Something was wrong.

It had been fine just the day before.

The trip to the vet ended up being just under $500 plus some special food the cat needed to eat while it recovered from treatment.

Suddenly, I wasn’t all that fond of the cat. I mean, it wasn’t all that useful and really it had cost me money rather than it being a productive member of the household.

What a pain. It’s just a cat.

I asked the vet (well, the lady at the front desk) in all seriousness how much it would have been just to put the animal down, as in euthanize it. Her response was to ask if I was serious. I assured her I was. She looked at me as though I had horns growing out of my head. I didn’t. She responded with $110.

Duly noted.

Cheaper to kill the cat, humanely, than to treat it and pay an unnecessary bill.

Isn’t it weird how people get bent out of shape for euthanizing a pet (whether it is sick or not) but don’t get bent out of shape when it comes to aborting children?

The claims to kill another human, to abort a child – it bears no value, it provides nothing to society, it would be a burden, it would be cruel to bring it into the world unnecessarily, etc. – they also hold true of any animal or pet. So why the outrage over one and not the other?

Our priorities as a society are all wrong.

Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people in this world.

Surprisingly (not really) there are lots of sayings out there on the internet that start with this phrase. I have done some research and I can’t find anything that resembles what I am about to say, so I apologize to whomever if I am stealing your words. I have no intention of stealing your words, so if you said it you can claim it here and I’ll give you attribution.

There are two kinds of people in this world,

those who give life and those who suck life right out of you.

I have known this for a long time. However, there are stages in my life that I realize as I look back on them that I have either been one of them, or both. I hope that I haven’t been the latter as often as I have been the former, but I guess that really isn’t up to me to judge. I also know, as I look back, that I have most certainly had both kinds of people in my life. I haven’t always recognized it as quickly as I should have. Lessons learned.

I have two pieces of advice. First, evaluate the people in your life. Do it honestly (this will be tough!), and do it quickly. The sooner you realize who the givers and the suckers are, the better off you’ll be. Second, get rid of the suckers. They aren’t worth it. That’s not to say give them a second chance and to have grace with them, but after a while the sucking overrides the giving and that is when it is time to cut them loose.

Where do you fall? Be honest with yourself. Are you a giver of life or a sucker of life?

Feel free to comment or to add your own “two kinds” statement.

Quote of the Day

Any man is liable to err, only a fool persists in error.

Cicero

I choose life

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There is so much to say about this topic and I just can’t process all there is to say, so I will say it in a rather short, blunt manner.

New York, you’ve got it all wrong. I suppose you were outraged by the news of Dr. Kermit Gosnell, but honestly this just puts you on a similar level – only now you make it legal.

Apparently, in New York, the definition of life involves which side of the vagina a baby is on, inside or outside. Outside the vagina, you’re good, kid! Inside the vagina, well, you’re SOL! Doesn’t anyone (ok that is a generalization) in New York recognize that mere seconds doesn’t make life? A baby is a baby. Inside or outside. There is no difference.

It hurts my heart to see that people actually cheered for this as it was signed. The level of stupid has reached new heights. You seriously need to question your morals if you think this is even remotely a good idea.

Get this contradiction: In New York, it is illegal to kill a convicted criminal but it isn’t illegal to kill a completely innocent baby.

Yeah, let that sink in.

Nice work, America. You have managed to tarnish that whole “LIFE, liberty, and pursuit of happiness” thing.

Small Windows of My Daughter

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I was scrolling through articles on my Google news feed a while back and came across the article at the bottom of this post. I have to say that it struck a chord with me that I didn’t expect and I actually cried. The reason is because I can identify with what the writer was saying, but in different ways.

Social media is all we have and I honestly devour each and every post she makes because it feels like I am with her.

I too get a small glimpse of who my daughter is and of her daily life via “small windows” she posts on social media. Instagram and Facebook being the main avenues of those glimpses. I am sure she has other social media that she uses (and that scares me to tell the truth) and I also know that what I see on her accounts might not actually be what is going on in life since teens tend to have one account for everyone and then an account for just close friends where they can “be real.” I don’t know if she has any accounts like that for sure, but what I do know is that each time she posts something my heart jumps.

The author of the article (at least from what I can tell) RESIDES in the same home as her daughter and sees her on a regular basis, albeit as much as a teen likes to interact with their family. But, she does get the day-to-day interaction, even if not always the most pleasant.

For me, well, I am a divorcee and like many, many fathers I got the usual “short end of the stick” when it came to visitation. I probably get more than most fathers, but honestly is still isn’t enough. That is the reason the article resonated and was painful for me.

As a father who gets limited time with his daughter it just exacerbates the issue of trying to get to know your child. I think we have a pretty good relationship but it still is hard to KNOW her when she is going through the years of teen growing pains. I long for the discussions about life and for the discussions about what her future might hold and I long for the times of silliness when she was little and I long for…well, I just long for HER.

While most parents likely are tired of the mundane battles of getting kids up for school, and making sure homework is done, and making sure that their friends are “ok” to hang out with, and…I don’t get any of that. Or, at least, I get very little of it. I want it. I want it.

So, when I saw this article and read the pain the author was experiencing trying to get to know her daughter, even when she lives in the same house, you can imagine how parents who are divorced and don’t get the same exposure to their children feel when it comes to truly seeing who their children are. Social media is all we have and I honestly devour each and every post she makes because it feels like I am with her. I am close.

It’s a consolation prize in a race I so desperately want to win. I hope the seeds I have sown will one day be fruitful and that one day she will feel like she can open up with me and show me the real her. Until then, I’ll keep looking through those small windows and watching my little girl grow. Watching as she reveals a little of herself in each post. Watching….and waiting.

**I recommend you read the article below to understand how this blog post was prompted.

The Decline of American Society: Cause and Solution

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Ok, guys, this is a pretty serious topic and it warrants a long discussion. However, I am going to let the article speak for itself and reserve my comments for a discussion, should one actually occur.

This topic doesn’t just apply to American colleges, but at all levels of education and society in general. We have trained out students incorrectly, done them a huge disservice, and I have been saying it for years.

Before I share the article, I would like to suggest that microaggressions don’t actually exist. I would posit instead that they actually should be referred to, and focus on the opposing source, as microsensitivities (not hypersensitivity), meaning one is so sensitive that anything and everything could cause an individual to over-react in nearly all situations. In essence, one is so fragile that they believe they and others should be protected from reality. We have an entire segment of society that avoids anything that causes discomfort and if it is challenging they won’t even attempt it.

I ask that you read the WHOLE article below before making a comment (it is a long one). It is well written, well reasoned, and well supported. We need more of this type of journalism and thought.

The Coddling of the American Mind

What are your thoughts? Share them in the comments.

What if you could rewrite your life?

Ever have one of those days?

Ever have one of those days where the “What ifs…” begin to wander in and you start to think about what you would have done differently? What you would do if you could go back and start over?

I may or may not be having one of those days; but, as my pen layed on the notepad in front of me, I had a moment of creative inspiration with an app on my phone so I decided to record it and create. I guess, for a moment, I was being philosophical.

So, tell me, have you had one of those days? Or, moments? Tell me your “blank page” moment/story in the comments – what would you do if you could rewrite your life?

School Picture Thievery

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It’s that time of year again, folks!

This school picture thing is a pretty big racket if you ask me, and if you’re a parent you know what I am talking about. If there is any place you know it and can feel yourself being ripped off but can’t do anything about it, it is definitely with school pictures and sports team photos.

I have felt this frustration in the past, but it kind of boiled to a head this year when I went to order my daughter’s school pictures. It usually isn’t a big deal trying to order them, but being the “non-custodial” parent who usually gets the information second-hand sometimes it takes a while to get it done. (Yes, I realize I could just have photographer friend take the photo and avoid all the trouble so I guess I am a glutton for punishment).

Anyway, I logged onto the website with my special code and wanted to just download the image to my computer and then go have them printed in the quantities and styles I desired. So, I selected the outrageously overpriced digital image – $22. Say what? Yeah, you read that right…let’s do some quick math…

If a school has 300 hundred students and the photographer can get 60 students through a line and photographed per hour, then the photographer would work for five hours. The photographer is, most likely, using a digital camera to take said digital images @ $22 each, therefore making $1320/hr, or $6600/day. That is of course presuming that each parent purchases just the digital image, let alone one of the other overpriced packages they offer. Now we know not all parents purchase the pictures, but you get the idea.

So, after choosing the digital image for download I get to the check out page only to see that I am going to be charged a “Shipping and Handling” fee of $7. Uh, wait, what? I am downloading a digital image. Why is there a shipping and handling fee? What’s worse is that I can’t remove the fee either. The radial button is greyed out. I either pay the fee right now, or wait until the next day to call them. So, I opted to call the company the next day since surely the fee for a digital download isn’t $7 bucks…

I called the next day and waded through their automated answering system until I got to a real person to talk to. I explained my situation and asked if there was some kind of error on their website that wouldn’t allow me to remove the shipping and handling fee. The response?

“No, that is a flat fee we charge for all late orders.”

Late? Yes, it is true I didn’t order when the pictures were taken in the fall, but your website says they can be ordered at any time until the following fall AND there is nothing to indicate this is a “late” order on the website. I was a little dumbfounded. I said, “You’re joking right? How does downloading a digital image warrant a $7 late fee or even a shipping and handling fee?”

“Well, we do have to mail you the rights release so you can have the picture printed.”

So what you’re saying is that you are going to charge me $7 to mail me a sheet of paper and an envelope that costs, at best, a stamp or maybe two? I said, “Listen, I understand it costs money to send a piece of paper and envelope out to me but I have ordered digital images from other photographers in the past and they didn’t charge me an extra fee for the rights release, they included it with the digital image download. Surely you have the ability to do that right? So, why would I need a piece of paper mailed to me? It takes less than three minutes to compose a generic email and attach two image files to it.”

“Ok, I suppose I could waive the shipping and handling fee. What email address would you like the images sent to?”

Thank you. Now was that so hard and how about you waive all shipping and handling fees for all digital downloads from here on out? I probably speak for everyone who has encountered this ridiculous fee. There is no reason for it other than you can, and you have families over a barrel. I would venture a guess that many people just pay the fee, which is sad.

Highway robbery, I tell ya, only there was no highway and the bandit holds parents and other family members hostage every dang year around school picture time.

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Understanding, Optional

It May Never Make Sense