Humor

In the days of outrage…

…why not jump on this bandwagon?

Since everyone is mad or offended about or by anything and something, all day, every day, I found and issue we all should be totally outraged about. Let’s add this to the outrageous pile of outrages so everyone can be outraged out of their minds! I mean, since we are all picking things to be outraged about I am going to pick this – motorcycle helmets.

 

 

Well, not just any motorcycle helmets. I am talking about the ever popular NAZI “replica” helmets. I am sure you have seen them and maybe didn’t even know they were a replica of something so abhorrent. I would even venture a guess that some of the people using them as a lid on their motorcycle noggin probably don’t even know what they are wearing. But then, I might just be naive…

It’s weird how you start seeing something everywhere when you start paying attention. I live in the northwest corner of the country so this isn’t exactly the time for motorcycle weather and yet I seem to have noticed at least one helmet per day over the last couple of weeks. I have seen them on heads. I have seen them illustrated on the back windows of pickup trucks. I have seen them in ads for motorcycles.

They aren’t real expensive, I guess, at least in comparison to some of the other helmets available. Maybe that’s why they are so popular. I have no idea really, so I am just speculating. I found them at one website with a rather curious sales description:

“German Motorcycle Helmets have been specifically designed to look like the war helmets worn by German soldiers during World War I and World War II. These rebellious-looking lids are a cool and lightweight option for protecting your noggin in style..German-style helmets are a lightweight and stylish way to fulfill the requirements of the helmet law…And most of our German helmets are classically clean in style because like a plain, black leather jacket, these helmets don’t need bright colors and flashy graphics to make them cool…”

*Emphasis above is mine.*

Should we all be upset about this? Aren’t we supposed to hate everything related to Germany (really?), Nazis, fascism, racism, murder, etc.? Shouldn’t we be offended by this because, you know, it is easy to be offended about?

Anyway, if you gotta be outraged about something, this is a great next target. What do you think? We can eradicate this menace by running every motorcycle rider we see wearing this style of helmet right off the road! That’ll show ’em! Besides, obviously someone who wears this helmet is a nationalistic racist and we are only doing the world a favor, right?

*Trigger warning* This topic may be sensitive and possible outrage you. Find a safe space and rock back and forth while humming lightly should this actually occur. May I suggest a dark, quiet room in a corner away from all of humanity?

Post Script: OOPS! I screwed up the trigger warning…I guess that should have been at the top of this post.

P.P.S. (Post post script?) I don’t really care about this topic. It was just something to write about and maybe would generate some conversation somewhere, maybe. Again, maybe I am naive. Oh well…

Positive Post-it

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What if you were given a fresh, new pad of Post-it notes that came with a requirement?

Let’s pretend I just gave you a pad and the requirement is that you could only use the notes to pass out encouragement to others, whenever and wherever you can.

  1. How would you use them? Sign them or make them anonymous?
  2. Where would you use them? Leave them in the open or hide them to be found as a surprise another day?
  3. Who would you leave notes for? Obviously you have friends and family that could use some encouragement, but have you ever considered leaving encouragement for strangers – maybe on the bus, at the restaurant, while you are shopping, or at work? Why?? Well, maybe the stranger did or said something that you noticed and deserves a compliment. There could be any number of reasons, but the cool thing is you get to decide.

With all the negativity floating around in the world these days, it would be nice to spread some love and encourage people instead of tearing them down. What do you think?

Are you up to the challenge?

**NOTE** Comment what you would do, or who you would encourage in the comments below. OR, if you want, I would really like if you could take a photo of your notes and post them in the comments. Let’s build a “blog post of positive!”

Branching out, er, expanding?

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Just a quick note to have you take a look at the new page on the blog. You’ll find it up there in the top next two “Home,” “About,” and “Contact.” If you can’t figure it out from all the hints, try looking for “Stupid Board: Classroom Quotes.” There is an explanation about what it is and where to look as well.

Happy viewing, and I hope you will be intrigued enough to join me on Instagram as well!

Gaffigan and Giggles

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That is one happy girl! Tickets to Jim Gaffigan’s “Noble Ape” tour.

She waited a long time for this night, since April in fact. We asked her what she would like for her birthday – something tangible or an experience – weeks in advance and she chose an experience. Before her birthday arrived, the chance to do something we knew she enjoyed came up on Groupon so we took the opportunity to get something she would enjoy. We knew she would enjoy it because she has enjoyed every one of the Jim Gaffigan’s specials on Netflix. So, now was her chance.

It was hard for her to wait, I mean, it was almost six months before she could enjoy her birthday present. She has watched him on Netflix over and over. She has listened to him on Spotify over and over. She has been patient, though it was hard. But the tour had finally arrived in Seattle and off we went! And as we went, she played DJ in the car and we listened to tunes the whole trip.

First Stop

Our first stop was for dinner. I asked her about where she wanted to stop but she didn’t have too many ideas. I mentioned a couple of places, but nothing sounded like it was a winner with her until I mentioned a place we have gone to several times for different trips to “the big city.” We didn’t want to battle too much downtown Seattle traffic so we decided to grab a favorite just north of town. It’s cheap, it’s greasy, but it is fairly tasty.

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It just so happened that this evening there was also a Washington Husky game in town, so there were lots of people in the parking lot and a wide variety of people to watch as we downed our food. It was certainly a happening place while we were there…but it was also dinner time too!

Seattle Center

After dinner we headed down to Seattle Center. We knew we would have time to kill so we found some parking and wandered around the iconic area, the place of the 1962 World’s Fair.

As it turns out, there was a festival going on with people wandering around with aromatic food and colorful clothing. There was music too! Again, there were lots of different people to watch and we found an art gallery that was open so we wandered that to start with.

We saw the sights, we took pictures, we “played tourist” as she said.

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Jim Gaffigan – The Noble Ape

We stood in line and did the now ever-present security check to get into the event. This process was a little different from what I was used to going through at a sporting event, but we made it through fairly quickly and made our way to our seats in Key Arena…our seats clear up in the “nose bleed” section (second row from the top, if you must know). I actually expected to have a little better seats than we got for the price I paid, but I guess that is for another discussion, another day.

We watched people come and go. We discussed the music the house was playing – all seeming favorites of hers, all very current. We talked about the other artist’s tours that were coming and which ones she would like to go to. We just had a nice time visiting. Laughing. Joking. Testing each other’s knowledge of the music.

Then came “the warning.” The warning about not filming or taking pictures during the performance (yeah, like that is going to be happening…I mean, not me of course…) so we took some pictures before it started. Really, there wasn’t much to see in the one I took. (I tried to scale it to what it actually looked like instead of blowing it up and making it look like something better than it was.)

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Inside Key Arena – view from our seats

The opening act (can’t remember his name) was pretty good and we laughed. I am not sure how much she totally got – I mean, he was talking about being a guy in his 50s and the aches and pains that go along with age so she couldn’t really relate, but I could. I think she enjoyed watching me laugh at the jokes. I could be wrong. I am, after all, her dad…

We both really enjoyed Gaffigan though. Even for as much as we have watched and listened to him prior to the performance, he really did have mostly new material. There was only a little bit that was a repeat from other shows and, as my daughter put it, “he expanded on the topic a little more tonight.”

What I loved was watching her. What I loved was watching her laugh uncontrollably with a smile as big as her face. She giggled. Her eyes sparkled. She was having a good time and memories were made, that was the goal.

It was over too fast. The performance, that is. It seemed like it had just gotten started and then it was over and time to file out of The Key like cattle. We walked back through Seattle Center and stopped to take a couple more pictures, specifically one that would kind of encapsulate the whole evening – an early and late picture of the Space Needle (almost three hours apart).

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Space Needle – 6pm & 9pm

We piled back into the car and made our way back north to home. We talked about what we liked best about the show. She can be rather insightful when she wants to be! The conversation didn’t last long though. She was ready to play DJ once again and we rocked out to a wide variety of music (even some old 80’s music “just for me,” but she likes it too).

As she gets older, and busier, I cherish these times. I know they will get fewer and farther between, but for tonight it was perfect. Just giggles, smiles, and laughter perfect.

America’s Failed Spelling Test

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America, you have some work to do in the spelling department. Some of you, more so than others!

Wisconsin…I don’t think there is a single excuse for you…too much cheese maybe?

Most of these words are middle school level and should have been learned a long time ago, while others are at worst twelfth grade level.

If you know these words without looking them up in Google, A+ for you!

 

Earth Day? Pshhh!

I celebrated Earth Day today…NOT!

Instead, I used extra water to shave this morning.

I flushed the toilet two extra times.

I let the water in the shower run a minute longer than necessary.

I left a light on in a room I didn’t occupy.

I let the furnace in the house run when it didn’t need to.

Then I left the door open to heat the outside too.

I commuted a long distance with only myself in the car.

I made 10 extra copies just because.

I had tuna for lunch.

I am going to burn wood in a camp fire and then not make s’mores.

I am going to sit and let my car idle for an extra three minutes while I check my Instragram feed on my phone.

I am going to stand outside my fridge with the door open and stare at the contents trying to figure out what I want.

I am going to only drink half a glass of water and toss the rest.

I am going to fill up my garbage with recyclable materials and put garbage in my recyclables.

I didn’t remove the cap from a bottle I threw in the garbage.

I might even burn some plastic.

Tomorrow, I’ll go back to doing what I normally do. I’ll be conscientious, maybe.

Quote of the Day

Not sure about her fashion sense, but she gets credit for the quote.

That moment when everything makes sense and comes into focus…this was it for me today.

I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.

Edith Sitwell, thank you. Thank you for putting to words my thoughts and feelings, exactly.

If Only, and Responsibility Sucks.

If only there were a way to get here and still be responsible…Costa Rican beach…

I texted my wife earlier today and asked her an important question. It wasn’t really serious, but it was at the same time.

Would you be really mad if I abandoned my job, flew to Costa Rica, and lived there till I maxed out the credit cards?

I wasn’t serious, of course, because I am too responsible to do something like that. I am too rational. I recognize that my decisions have an impact, not just on me and my future but on people I really care about. So this fantasy isn’t really an option.

Ever.

Sometimes responsibility really sucks. Or, maybe, it is just BEING responsible that sucks. I am not sure. I guess I have more years to figure that out.

In the mean time, I’ll keep doing my jobs (yes, I have two) and keep being responsible. Maybe one day this fantasy won’t just be that, a fantasy.

Oh and, in case you’re wondering, she said, “Yes I would be lol.” That isn’t a knock against her. She later said she would be mad because she wouldn’t get to abandon all responsibility with me. It seems we have a theme here…

Anyone else ever felt this way? Have you ever had a time that you would like to abandon all responsibility and just get away? Tell me about it.

Where Do I Sign?

<center>Are those goodies for me?

Are those goodies for me?

Generally, I don’t complain about donuts. But we recently had a delivery in the school office that just got me in a mood to complain (after I had a donut first, of course). Apparently the Washington National Guard is so flush with cash it can afford to spend money on glossy graphics and donut boxes (maybe its good for other things too). Since when are donuts a recruiting tool? I mean, unless you are Homer Simpson, I am pretty sure you aren’t going to be convinced to sign on the dotted line just because someone brought donuts. I can only imagine the conversation:

Recruiter: How are you today? Would you like a donut? Do you want to talk about the possibilities the Washington National Guard could provide for you?

Potential Recruit: Donuts? Really?

R: Go ahead and have one. What kind do you like?

PR: Well, the one with colored sprinkles looks pretty good!

R: There you go. So, do you like adventure and helping people?

PR: Yeah, that’s cool. This is a good donut! Do people get to shoot guns and maybe get shot at too?

R: Sure, there is a possibility that could happen.

PR: Will there be more donuts?

R: I don’t know, but I am sure we can make that happen.

PR: Where do I sign?

There HAS TO BE better things to spend money on rather than specially made donut boxes. I just have to believe that this isn’t something they normally spend money on because if it is, I have to wonder how recruiting is going these days. It can’t be good, that is for sure.

Please, if you are going to join the armed forces (no matter what branch), don’t join because of donuts and a fancy graphic donut box. Otherwise, you might just be a Homer.